God how long had he wanted this? Too Long! Should he be doing this? Hell Ya! The kid's drunk, what if he doesn't want this? Who cares? What if the Cajun regrets this in the morning? Logan's inner animal didn't have an answer for that one. He was pretty sure the beast inside didn't care about regrets and lost friendships. He knew what the animal wanted, and right now it's what he wanted, but at what cost?

He and Remy had spent the night bar hopping, something they seemed to be doing more often lately. Between all the trials and troubles in both their lives they had become outcast, more then normal anyway. Remy more then himself, but they stuck together. Almost too close for Logan's liking. He had wanted this moment to happen for a long time, but he was still unsure.

Did he want this? Yes! Ever sense the boy walked on the grounds, he had to admit. It started out as just pure lust after this perfect body that was now bucking under him. Who couldn't want something this beautiful? The affection grew over time, from childish crush, to cherished friendship, and then to a hidden ache to love the man. He admitted it a long time ago, he loved Remy. Everything from his body to his mind, he loved it all. He had never had the guts to say it until now though.

Now that he was over the tipsy stage of drunk and Remy was smashed. His mind was slowly clearing due to his healing factor, and with it a growing feeling of guilt in his gut. He knew Remy wasn't very rational at this point. He didn't want to take advantage and ruin a good thing. But damn that mouth! Even when drunk Remy could use those perfect lips.

He finally broke himself away and looked into those half closed demon eyes and found lust and love in a perfect mixture. He wanted to walk away, salvage what he could. Those eyes wouldn't let him. Before he knew it those perfect lips met his again, pulling him back down on that writhing, wanting, body. All lucid thought stopped there, he gave into the beast. If there was regret in the morning it would not be by him.

-----------

The phone rang, Logan groaned. It rang again, and he heard a whimper, but knew it didn't come from his mouth. He opened his eyes and saw Remy wrapped around him. His head cradled on his shoulder, his arm and leg draped over his body. He was still there, that's a good sign, he smiled. The phone rang again, bringing him out of his thoughts of the creature next to him.

He grabbed the phone before it rang again. "Yea?" Logan raised an eyebrow when a strange voice came over the phone. "Yea! I'll except the charges?" Logan set up slightly in the bed. He waited for the advertisement to stop and Yukio came over the line. "What's wrong?" Logan almost panicked when she told him Amiko was ill. "Yea, I'll be there on the next flight!" Logan dropped the phone on the receiver and looked down at the form laying across him. God he hated to do this. They spent an almost perfect night together and he has to leave. He had no choice though.

He made the quick decision that it was better to leave without waking Remy. The Cajun would want to come and he knew Yukio and Remy would be at each other's throats before they got off the plane. He crept out of the bed, being quiet not to wake him. He filled a duffel bag with most of his closet, not knowing how long he would be there. Lastly he grabbed his sword, just in case this wasn't an accidental illness.

Packed and ready to go he leaned down and kissed Remy lightly on the lips. He smiled at the moan that escaped his lovers sleeping lips. "I'll be back as soon as I can Darlin'" he whispered as he left the room. He quickly closed the door behind him when he saw Bobby walking down the hall. "Hey Drake!"

Bobby jumped at the voice. He was still half asleep, just woke by the alarm clock less then 15 minutes ago. He hadn't had his coffee, so the real world hadn't crept into his slow mind. He turn in the direction of the voice and saw Logan walking towards him. He noticed the duffel bag and looked at him questioningly. "Going somewhere?"

"Yea, I have to go to Japan, there's an emergency. Can ya do me a favor? Tell Gumbo I had to go, and I'll be back as soon as I can." He saw Bobby's eyebrow raised, so he made a quick excuse. "We were suppose to go out to Harry's tonight to play some pool."

Bobby nodded weakly. "Yea, I'll tell him when I see him."

"Thanks Ice Cube." Logan patted Bobby hard on the back causing the young man to stumble. He snickered at Bobby curses. Even with the news of Amiko's sudden illness he couldn't help but smile. The choke hold that was around his heart the last few years had vanished. He owed all to that young man still sleeping in his bed. He wanted to stay, never leave, but he had to go. He rushed down to Scott's office to tell him he was taking one of the planes. He wanted to get back as soon as possible.

--------------

Remy stretched in the warmth around him. When was the last time he was this warm. Never. He nuzzled the pillow under his face, picking up the scent of Logan, his lover. He had to smile at that. He curled up further under the covers, it was a soft fur blanket Logan had brought home from Canada last winter. He had dreamed to be under it ever since, and here he was. He rolled over towards the other side of the bed, expecting Logan. But his hand met with the cold sheets. He finally poked his head out of the blanket and opened his eyes.

Logan wasn't there! He sat up and looked around the room. "Logan?"

No answer.

"You're just worrying too much, he's probably just in the Danger Room."

Closets empty

"He's an earlier riser y' know that."

Shoes, watch, wallet, cigar case, zippo, gone.

"He might be making breakfast for y' right now."

Swords missing.

"Merde!"

Logan was gone, everything was gone. He knew they were drunk last night, but he didn't think either was that drunk! Why would Logan leave? God, what had he done. He had just ruined the only friendship he had at the mansion, because he did what he always did. Acted like a whore. No wonder they called him that, they were right! Here he thought Logan wanted him, as much as he wanted Logan. He had lusted after Logan for years, but there was always someone or something in the way. Now that they were both free he thought now was their chance. He was wrong.

Remy throw a pillow across the room in anger. Anger with himself, he should have stopped last night. He saw the hesitation when Logan was kissing him and instead of stopping he drew him back in. He shook his head, willing himself not to cry. He wouldn't do this to himself. Not until he knew Logan was really gone, maybe he just happened to wearing half his clothes while sharpening his sword.

"Yea that's it Remy, that make perfect sense!" he chided himself as he got up and found his jeans and shirt. "He's gone because of y'!" He quickly put his clothes on and slipped out of the room. He had to make it back to the boathouse without anyone asking too many questions. The last thing he wanted was everyone knowing what happened. Logan would never forgive him then, if he would now.

He made his way down the stairs and towards the back door. He stopped when he saw Scott's office door open. Remy fought with himself and found enough courage to knock on the door. "Cyke?"

"Yes, Gambit, what do you want?" It was no secret that he disliked the Cajun. He seemed to always push his buttons at the wrong times, like now. He was in the middle of replanning their next mission without Logan.

"Um, have y' seen Logan?" Remy shuffled his feet as he looked at the floor. He knew that no one at the mansion liked him much anymore, especially Scott, but if anyone knew where Logan was he would.

"No" Scott lied. He figured if Logan didn't tell Remy, he wasn't meant to know. "Is that all?" Scott looked up from his paperwork for the first time since Remy walked in.

Remy nodded and hurried out of the room. What had he done?

Scott tilted his head, following Remy out of the room. "Was he crying?" Scott whispered to himself and then shook it off. He needed more sleep.

-----------

Remy ran to the boat house, trying to stop his tears. He ruined it, all of it. Logan was the only one that cared for him now that everyone knew his secrets. They all shunned him for the massacre, for the green entity he hid from them, the New Son he worked for behind their back, but they tolerated him because he was still seeing Rogue. Once that relationship was over he was back out in the boathouse and pushed away even further. The only one that would come to see him was Logan. He had grown to love Logan for that. Coming up with any reason for the Canadian to be close. Last night he thought they had taken that final step, stopped pussyfooting around, but obviously he was wrong. Only he felt that way.

Now he was back in the cold, lonely boathouse, with no one who cared for him. No hope of that one visitor to come and save his sanity. He needed human contact, it was almost a phobia. He would joke with himself that he was the opposite to his Stormy. She couldn't stand too many people, liked to be alone. Remy couldn't take that, he had to have someone around. The presence of another human being, letting him know that he was alive and worthy of someones companionship. Now he lacked that. He had no one, no friends, no family. He suddenly felt cold, freezing. He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and curled up under it, shivering at his inner ice that was his soul. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him, maybe his dreams would be better then his life.

----------

Logan tapped his foot in frustration. He had just landed in Japan and stood at a pay phone waiting for someone, anyone, to pick up the damn phone! The whole way over the guilt of leaving Remy without waking him or leaving a note ate at him. He felt like an ass. He also worried that Remy may regret what happened, walking out on him would make that feeling worse. Damn it why didn't he stop last night! He probably ruined the only friendship that meant anything to him anymore.

He had called his room, no answer. Then he called the boathouse and didn't even get the answering machine. So now he was waiting for the main line to pick up. He was beginning to worry when Bobby finally picked up the phone. Logan rolled his eyes at the obviously memorized 'Xavier School' greeting. "Drake! Shut up!"

"Oh, it's you. What's up? Lose the plane?"

"No, I didn't lose the plane. I was trying to get a hold of the Cajun and he didn't answer his phone, is he wondering around the mansion?" Logan hoped his phone card would last long enough for Bobby's ramblings. He could hear Bobby wandering the halls looking in rooms, even heard him call out Remy's name a few times. He didn't have time for this! "Ice Cube is he there or not!"

"I don't think so. He may have went out with the others into town. They all went out for the night."

Logan shook his head, he knew Remy wouldn't have gone out with the others. He just blew it off as Remy being in the shower, or the Danger Room, maybe the grounds. "Drake, make sure ya tell him I'm in Japan. Tell him I'll call him sometime this weekend. Alright?" Logan waited for the young man to agree and hung up. He would give Remy a call tomorrow. He needed to know everything was alright.

-------------

Remy finally made himself get out of bed when the sun rised. He had managed to hide under the covers of the couch or bed for a full day and he was starting to call himself pathetic. Spending a whole day sleeping and waking from nightmares and dreams only to find he was alone again. He knew he had to get up and do something when he was finding his nightmares more pleasant then what he woke up to. At least he wasn't alone in them. Too bad someone was always dying or he was getting his guts ripped out in the end.

He had to keep busy, do anything. He sat at the kitchen table and made plans to fill the whole day. Forget about his life. Laundry was first, then lunch in the city, the bike shop next, the garage after that, and then a night at the bars. Damn Logan if he didn't want him! He would find someone that did. He knew if a shrink got a hold of him right now they would have a field day, but to hell with that. If it was some misplaced punishment or a selfish act of self assurance, he didn't care. He wanted to know someone out there wanted him.

He finished his morning coffee and set out to start his day. He gathered all his dirty laundry and headed for the mansion. Happy to be up so early that not even Cyke would be up yet. If he was lucky he could use all the hot water doing laundry and Cyke would have a really cold shower. Remy smiled. White load was defiantly first!

TBC